| and i will keep running until i find something worth stopping for |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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a different coat with the same hopes.
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| grrrrrrrrrr alex...!!! *agony* |
[14 Dec 2005|10:59am] |
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IT IS EXTREMELY *EVIL* TO TELL ME YOU'VE GOT TONS OF THESE AT HOME, FRESHLY-BAKED WITH BUBBLING CARAMEL AND CINNAMON GOODNESS, AND THEN SHOW ME A PICTURE OF THEM, WHEN I'M GAWD-HUNGRY AT WORK!!!
*faints* ma stomach is *seriously* growling. non-stop.
on another note,
( *this* )
is ffantastic news! and just in time for my hongkong trip too!
*charmed!*
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| the storm (of backlogged pictures!!!). |
[13 Dec 2005|09:29am] |
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what's the number ONE singaporean pasttime? (this is rhetorical.)
EATING.
so, i went to Glutton Bay with my family some time back and makan-ed to our hearts' content with local favourites like oyster omelette, hokkien mee, bbq chicken wings, fishball noodles, teh tariks...(bring you there when you get back 'aoight, mun?). the marina square/suntec/esplanade/fullerton area's always good for a stroll, and that was exactly what we did...
a day in the (working)life of me, outside the office...
another foodie night out at wisma's FoodRepublic...
then erm...more drinking and eating and all that...
please meet the Catwoman herself, the lovely gracie (and germaine's lovely cats)...
then lastly...
ZoukOut 2005 @ Siloso Beach, Sentosa.
i thought that it was a pretty good do, all in all, even though i felt infinitely harassed by endless calls and messages the entire night through, not to mention idiotic people who kept getting in my way, preventing me from getting lost in the music and dancing into oblivion.
to get away from all that maddening claustrophobia, i remember leaving the area near the raised podium - where most of the group was - for a less crowded space a little further away from the stage. *magic*. armin, the gusts of wind blowing my hair all awry, the chill that enveloped your body as you gave yourself to the music, the charged air as you raised your arms and put your hands in the air with your eyes closed, then the beautiful rain that looked simply magnificent when it passed through the myriad coloured lights shooting from all directions (i thought it was a special effect, initially). *euphoria*. i think i danced about half an hour in the rain before i decided to check up on my sisters. running through the beach, rain and wind, laughing like a kid, was excellent. i felt *alive*.
(i also felt disembodied-ly sick the next day, but it's okay...migraine pills saved the day.)
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| prelude to a storm... |
[12 Dec 2005|11:34am] |
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...a storm of pictures and whatnots, before i call it quits and abandon ship and stop this blogging thing altogether, on the pretext of shedding old habits for 2006.
was gonna make a collage of the short but sweet lunch with you babe, but found that you've already made a perfectly fantastic one. we gotta catch up again sweetie, after i get back from hong kong, k? *hug*
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| 王菲 does everything best. |
[03 Dec 2005|06:58pm] |
不爱我的我不爱
什么时候我期望过
拥抱会锁定整个世界
我只能感谢
你能够给我的一切
边走边爱人山人海
拿着车票微笑着等待
可我从未站在
关了灯的月台
不给我的我不要
不是我的我不爱
一天一个未来
就听不到钟摆
不要我的我不要
不爱我的我不爱
把灯关上
连背影都不会存在
什么时候谁答应过
天亮会否定所有黑夜
我们拥有的
多不过付出的一切
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| sorry helly, i *had* to mangle the meme. thinking outside the box and all that. |
[02 Dec 2005|11:28am] |
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(BLACK AND BOLD APPLIES TO YOURS TRULY.)
i have a cell phone.
i have friends that use me. (horrid question)
i am an only child. (maybe in my next life)
i love dangly earrings.
i love cold weather.
i'm obsessed with the computer. (just use it alot, not quite obsessed)
i have shot a gun before. (yeah baby!)
i can't live without music.
i have no little tolerance of for ignorant people.
i have ridden on a motorcycle before. (mostly pillion)
i'll be in this town forever. (NO!!!)
i've been to 5 other countries.
i get annoyed easily. (when i don’t love you)
i eventually want kids.
i have neat handwriting. (neatness has no direct correlation to what's aesthetically-pleasing)
i have more than a few horrible memories. (not so many that i wanna bold this)
i am addicted to chocolate.
i am an atheist.
i love airplane rides.
i love taking pictures.
i hate people who are fake.
i can be mean when i want to.
my parents care about my grades.
one of my best friends is a girl. (who is the author of this list? faghag? schoolslut? sorry.)
i have way too many wallets.
i'm obsessed with lip gloss.
i am easy to talk to.
i would never eat raw fish.
i cry easily [when i feel deeply].
i hate when people are late. (sometimes i’m “people”)
i procrastinate.
i love winter.
i have too many clothes for my closet/dresser. (buy another wardrobe, i say!)
i love to sleep. (when i don’t have to wake to an alarm)
i wish i was smarter.
i'm afraid of flying.
i hate drama. (just live a film-worthy life)
i bite my nails.
i have been on an 8 hour drive.
i never fight with my parents.
i love the beach. (but i like the woods more)
i have never had the chicken pox.
i have gone out in public in my pajamas. (in the crap getup i went to bed with, yes)
i can't control my emotions.
i have a best friend[s].
i have moved more than once.
i truly love my friends. (not the same as “my friends never annoy me.”)
i have (had) braces.
i have never broken a bone.
i hate my computer.
i love girls that play the drums.
i state the obvious.
i'm a happy person.
i love to dance.
i love to sing.
i love cute underwear. (need to buy more)
i love night better than day. (i love every moment)
i love cleaning my room.
i tend to get jealous very easily. (but i’ve been workin’ on it)
i don't like to study for tests. (like DUH?!!)
i have been on the phone for over 5 hours. (can’t recall (pun!))
i am too forgiving.
i have horrible sense of direction. (but i’m usually not the map-reader on roadtrips)
i miss elementary school.
i'm a [was once] daddy's girl.
i love the [many] color[s] pink.
i love to sew.
my eye color changes.
i should see a therapist.
i played on a girls sports team.
i become stressed easily.
i hate/detest liars.
i love the smell of rain.
i love my family.
i hate needles.
i am a perfectionist.
i always wanted to learn to play the drums.
i hate the feeling of failure. (who doesn't)
i have friends in other countries.
i know how to cook.
i can be quite selfish.
at times, i still act like a little kid. (what can i say, the world’s my playground)
i have food allergies.
i love to read.
i wish i were more motivated for school.
i love getting stuff in the mail.
i have problems with letting go of old feelings.
i hate being alone. (when i’m out)
i love summer.
i love the weekends.
i love black eyeliner.
i think am a looker. (*rolls eyeballs* bitch, the author of this meme is)
i type with one hand.
i live in a one story house HDB apartment.
i wear make-up.
i have never rode on an underground subway.
i can't swim.
i have bad memories.
i go to church.
i sing in the shower.
i hate cheerleaders.
i usually get what i want. (sometimes what you want ain’t good for you, you just can’t see it yet)
i have been on stage before.
i love roller coasters.
no one knows my full story of my life. (i dunno, you been taking notes?)
i am close to my parents.
i don't have a curfew. (never did)
only the author (of such memes) can fully appreciate his/her own meme. yes, someone actually came up with this, and not for non-self-indulgent reasons, i'm sure (100% boh-liao people just elude me, so i shan't think they're that).
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| the talk... |
[01 Dec 2005|11:40pm] |
and the outcome:
i'm fine! i'm fine!
i took it much better than when i was anticipating it.
unfettered! that's what i am.
bring on the new book,
i can't wait to tell a new story.
i love my lovely friends.
hope this lasts.
thank you.
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| before we talk |
[01 Dec 2005|04:30pm] |
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( i already know what you're gonna say. )
post-Talk edit to m:
if ever you do read this,
(and if it's true no entry was about me,
then it's all good...
in fact, it's even better!)
doesn't matter what,
i just want you to know
that i wish you (both) all the best;
you don't need it but here're my most sincere blessings
and apologies for all the pain we went through...
love and live happy lives, 'aoight?
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| 1000 cigarettes. |
[01 Dec 2005|12:25pm] |
"...leaving the bitter taste and a blackened heart
from a thousand cigarettes."
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| my tuesday. |
[29 Nov 2005|10:12pm] |
grah the health of ma skin's too freaken important to me.
i doth think i got the migraine this morning 'cos my recent breakout has been making me feel stressed and helpless and ugly and generally inconfident.
migraine for the first time in my life, i think,
thank goodness for company-assigned clinics and free consultations.
my sister just burst home and lamented on her imperfect eyesight.
and i said,
"that's 'cos you guys have breasts. life's fair that way."
guess who's got perfect eyesight?
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| charmed. |
[27 Nov 2005|01:09pm] |
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photopotatoes! i've been lazy about uploading 'em images, and so i've let this space go the way of wordy verbosity for the last week or so. but no matter! it's the weekend and i can rest and relax and do silly things like upload pictures and create simple collages of them and then post them up!
anyway, in the last week or so i...
(1) paid two of the yummiest men a visit at greatworld...
(2) finally finished Pulp Fiction (i'm utterly charmed by Quentin Tarantino, and Uma Thurman. more on Thurman later).
(3) caught Wedding Crashers with the normantonites...
(4) got a chance to hang out with some long-lost girlfriends in honour of Tian's return from melbourne...
(5) caught Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the second time...for free, of course. =P
(6) spent, technically, close to $500 at Takashimaya with my partners-in-crime, gracie and zenn.
(7) caught my second Rent, on good-will tickets, courtesy of the generous RM, bless ya giving soul...
Rent did a great job at reminding me just how messy life can (usually) get, and that in that chaos there's beauty, if you'll only let yourself breathe it in, inhale it in deeply, savour it, relish it, taste it and let it course through you. swim in it, get stronger, immerse yourself. there's only this, there's only us...forget regret, or life is yours to miss...no day but today. it was very good for my psyche. oh yes, the crying i did, too. yes, let's not miss out on our lives.
how Beat, how romantic, no?
(8) After Rent, we did a spontaneous and decided to stretch the friday night by catching Prime. i acceded, 'cos if the show sucked, at least i could bank on Thurman to be easy on the eyes.
I WAS NOT EXPECTING TO BE BLOWN AWAY.
where do i start? the pace was impeccable, indulgent - the show took its time, like a drama-series would; the characters well-formed and layered and utterly convincing; the lines never cheesy but not overly-serious - there was humour, and it wasn't of the slapstick kind; the acting natural, allowing you to identify intimately with the characters; the cinematography and framings pleasing (slight jerkiness throughout the show notwithstanding. i blame the golden village projector).
if you've enjoyed shows like Felicity, Amelie, Sliding Doors, Next Stop Wonderland, then Prime's right up your alley. Thurman juggled her older-woman reticence with vulnerability well; Meryl Streep's just, excellent; and Bryan Greenberg straddled (ooh!) the boy-to-man role prettily - i kept expecting him to stumble on his performance and become clichéd and stock but he's always been able to dance on the fine line and charm and convince his way into my pants heart. sublime, sublime characters and acting all round, including the easily-identifiable relationships between the main characters and their friends. i cannot. gush. enough. about how satisfied the show's made me.
of course, i won't be so naive and think that everybody'll enjoy this show. there was this guy sitting on my left in the theatre, who could not help fidgeting and groaning and slouching and scowling everytime the characters decided to get emotionally-indulgent. the alpha-male in him couldn't let up. i was most tempted to give him a friendly smack on his person and say "don't be sucha wuss" but of course, i didnt. still, the show - and maybe Rent - made me a bigger person and i was actually amused by the whole experience with my neighbour.
back to Prime.
the person in charge of wardrobe is a *GENIUS*. okaaaay, so Thurman's outfits all screamed "designer!!!", still, I LOVED JUST ABOUT EVERY SINGLE OUTFIT she had on. the clothes. the accessories. she *owned* her outfits and wore them well (instead of the outfits owning and wearing her, like outfits usually do to most of our local artistes during whatever rubbish chi-chi awards they attend). AND HER GOLDEN PERFECT SKIN! HER GOD-GLORIOUS MESSY BUT PERRRRRFECT CURLS! *pants* meryl streep had amazingly excellent skin and elasticity despite her age, and i couldn't really write it off to botox. oh swoon swoon swoon. so this part requires some suspension of disbelief - who's this perfect all the time?!! this movie's got great stylists, lah! - but i'm not about to argue against the show's pleasing - albeit liberal - indulgence in aesthetics.
as i told gc, i can very gladly let this show be my favourite flick of all time, but i have no need for absolutes now. i'm just enjoying everything, including how good my legs felt between the sheets just before i fell asleep last night and how i'm just infused with my anticipation for what life's gonna unfold next. i can only pray and hope that the upcoming events'll be kind to me, like they've been thus far.
(9) caught David Tao's concert yesterday. complimentary. afterwhich i had a great supper with gc, felix and germaine at newton. *self-satisfied smug look* AND NO HELLY! YOU TAKE MONDAY, AND I WEDNESDAY TO SUNDAY (tuesday for him)! BEST OFFER! heehee.
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| this, was in my inbox. and all i can think is "jeez!!!" |
[25 Nov 2005|05:44pm] |
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Attention : Singaporean Single Man, Male Divorcee or Widower
"1st Time Ever - Widen Your Choice Of A Hainanese Spouse"
Note: The Hainanese ladies featured are actual persons looking for marriage to S'porean man. The middle or 3rd lady from left or right, is not available as she just got married to a S'porean single man this month. The other 4 are still available.
This is a matchmaking advertisement for Singaporean Single Man, Male Divorcee or Widower.
If you do not wish to receive further information, type remove and reply by return email. Thank you.
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| the next post'll not be sombre, i promise...but... |
[25 Nov 2005|12:26pm] |
if one were to maintain one's dignity by not voicing out one's distaste for some things or people,
it might mean that one would be allowing one's sensibilities to continue being assailed,
which comes across as very benevolent and serene and godlike,
but...hmm, humanly quite impossible?
or at least,
it's gonna be goddamn fucking annoying for one
while the annoy-er will get away with it without being checked and chastised.
then who's gonna start the karma ball rolling??! what if there is *no* divine justice?
shouldn't we take matters into our own hands and...
be human about it?
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
- should it be this simple? can it?
duncha find it kinda insanely hard to apply hard and fast rules to life?
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| jia - my disjointed reflections. |
[24 Nov 2005|12:06pm] |
so yesterday, while i was at work, my youngest sister jia came online on msn. i decided to engage her in redesigning my banner, 'cos the bleahness of the previous one was just getting to me. and the lil' genius did just that - she's not even 13 yet. i doth think she's got a bright future down the IT/Design path. kids nowsadays.
there's something about sisterhood, that's very...comforting, supportive. but as with everything else in life, it's something that the parties involved gotta work at, together. one of the things i learnt is that family needs consideration and effort, just as it is with friendship and one's romantic relationships. i recall - not very proudly at all - my tyrannical ways as an eldest sister in the past, and how i've somehow come full circle - from my leaning towards "experiencing the world outside" and "expending my youth", back to appreciating that serving one's own family is quite an honour, an unconventional sort of luxury. and the rewards - like having the most reliable people to rant to, exchanging clothes and accessories, and enthusing over silly inane things without feeling self-conscious - are simple but deeply satisfying. they are easy to take for granted, but i've come to realise the great value in such simple interactions, and i'm thankful for every moment granted to me now.
i felt happy that my dad asked me to flick on this switch for him while he was in bed and feeling too lazy comfortable to get up and do it himself. i obliged meekly, grateful to have been summoned. i also switched off the room light for my parents, and i was glad they initiated the interaction. i've been forsaking it, then realised its value, and i've since been yearning it, and feeling like i've been denied, by much fault of my own. but it's always been me, to go to extremes, scoffing the moderate, only to be humbled when the extremes prove to be hostile, inconducive environments. bonus upon bonus: my mom told me that she bought a flower iron-on applique to patch up a cigarette-burn hole in one of my skirts. it was truly, literally, heart-warming. then dad told me about some cereal that they bought that's on the kitchen table and that i should give it a try.
then en just sat beside me on my bed, while i showed her the fantastic Nightmare Before Christmas writing-set i bought. i recall seeing her gleefulness at having mastered juggling...i recall hui's question, sitting at the balcony over macca's breakfast, stirring up emotions i've tried - and still trying - to be strong about...everybody laughing over sitcoms together...dad handing me a slice of apple...mom's unwavering tenacity and commitment to us...
it's been like, 20 years too late, but i think i finally understand what it means to be the eldest sister, setting a good example and all that. actually, i've always thought that the wayward one is me, and my siblings are the good examples. but i shall not label. and wallowing in regret without understanding that the next step is to move on and make the best use of what's to come can only mean wasting more time. not very me.
wells, this is just something i wanted to put into words (i don't ever mean to preach, and if i ever sound like i am, well, i'm mostly talking to myself in this blog of mine), get off my chest. and this family thing, i can't help but feel like i *know* it's the most worthwhile thing to nurture and savour.
but yea, life's about balance. friends, your career, the person who's gonna build your next family with you...some of the other compartments in life i'll do well to nuture and work at.
so much more i can say, but my thoughts are running all over the place today. but i've been happy, and i've been feeling comfortable in the head and in my interactions with others, and it's all good.
practice, practice, practice, live and learn.
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| balance. |
[21 Nov 2005|10:44am] |
where there's strength, thererin lies weakness in conscience;
where beauty dwells, withal lurks ugliness;
and mediocrity is a shameless succubus of brilliance.
and hence the balance is kept,
and none lord of absolute power.
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and when everything feels like the devil's snare
let sleep deliver you.
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| were confucian values really propagated to keep the people meek? |
[19 Nov 2005|10:15pm] |
kindness is grossly underrated in our society today
it depicts weakness, and some even call it insecurity at work
the possession of kindness is that of a worthless commodity
the dispensing of it questioned and undermined and unappreciated
if even noticed at all
the dispensing of it abused and taken for granted and demanded for
and jadedness begets jadedness
who's big enough to break this sad cycle
without losing himself?
even mere patience
is hard to find nowadays
if it hinders you just abit, please, kick up a fuss
it's acceptable it seems
more so than accomodation
a swirling confusion, or my simple misconception?
the notions do not match the actions, and vice versa
individual health amidst the haze of interactions with others
for we are one and yet not alone
poisons and emptiness from within, from without
one's social well-being is a selfish thing
what a paradox.
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| netty tagged, and i shall obey. |
[19 Nov 2005|01:26am] |
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When you look at yourself in the mirror, what is the first thing you look at?
yea, i check out just how visible those bloody zits are. then i check if the undereye concealor's doin' okay. then i tweak the hair.
How much cash do you have on you today?
not nearly enough, as always.
What's a word that rhymes with 'test'?
'zest' (wtf?).
Favourite plant?
i love ancient, giant trees. i'm an autumn person, by the way (i love winter, too, but not sub-zero, please).
Who is the fourth person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
"Witheld". serious.
What is the main ringtone on your cell phone?
Kill Bill's Twisted.
What shirt are you wearing?
huh? shirt? i hardly ever wear t-shirts. i'm in a green, retro tank top ("retro" because it's a hand-me-down from since my mother's youth, or something).
Do you label yourself?
i've tried, on my friendster profile. it's quite inconclusive. i'd like to think i'm a contradiction - i'm always bloody torn.
Brand of the shoes you are currently wearing.
barefoot at home.
Bright or dark room?
comfortably-lit, if i am clearing up my room (which is theraputic to me, by the way), or if it's for non-raunchy activities like, erm, EVERYTHING ELSE?!! my table lamp'll suffice for reading in bed. WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS?!!
What were you doing at midnight last night?
i recall being in front of the computer and thinking that i shouldn't be at the computer 'cos i'm at the computer enough at work.
What was the last text message you received on your cell phone?
"Well... Just call if you need anything lar...=)"
i'm a lucky girl.
Do you ever click on 'Pop Ups' or banners?
yea, when the moon turns blue.
What's a saying that you say a lot?
"live and let live."
and more recently, "good living is the best revenge" or something like that; apparently it's one of the twins' number one life motto.
Who told you they love you last?
a girlfriend.
Last furry thing you touched?
huh?
How many drugs have you done in the past three days?
i smoke, don't get enough sleep, and have been having lousy appetite again. i don't need drugs to feel fucked in the head.
How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
film? you can ask us about cell phone messages and pop-up banners and then you ask about film? don't be so cute! who doesn't use a digicam more than a traditional film-camera these days?
ok sorry for that, it was uncalled for. none. i use a digicam. in fact, i use my cellphone to take pictures 'cos it's just more convenient, and if i lose all the pictures i've ever taken because computers crash, i will not be crushed.
i've developed around 400 pictures taken by digicams so far.
i've *SO* digressed, haven't i?
Favourite age you have been so far?
i love life. i'm grateful to have gone through all my previous days.
Your worst enemy?
myself, when i want to be good and right and yet be right and good to myself at the same time.
What is your current desktop picture?
one of those taxi-wisdom shots. it says:
What was the last thing you said to someone?
"很好...good!" to my dad, who just got awarded a Makansutra certificate for his drinks stall. i'm *über* proud of this, and even more of my dad himself, 'cos he really put(s) alot of himself into his work and his drinks, and he deserves this and so much more.
If you have to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?
hello? A MILLION BUCKS OF COURSE. things that don't kill you only make you stronger...or at least they contribute to shaping who you are right now. i don't subscribe to escapism.
Do you like someone?
romantically?
The last song you listened to?
i dunno, but i'm really diggin' Craig David's Don't Love You No More, and it's the only song i take special notice of when Class95 plays it while i'm at work.
People I hope to see do this quiz?
all the people i read and leave comments for. that, would probably be you.
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| =d sometimes you just need an electronic opinion. thanks netty! |
[19 Nov 2005|12:59am] |
| Your Heart Is Orange |
Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love.
And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone.
Your flirting style: Hyper
Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for!
Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded
What you bring to relationships: Energy
What Color Heart Do You Have? | i only agree with "[my] dream lover" part (and yar, actually, jet-setting off somewhere for a first date is just...*wow*...i wouldn't mind that, characteristically). i'm ready for something steady but, hmm, the results do not seem to be purporting this.
| Slacker Kid |
High school was a place you showed up occasionally, but you didn't really leave a mark.
You hated rules, authority, and structure. In fact, you still do.
Who Were You In High School? | i was not expecting this, 'cos i didn't know the quiz could surprise me by being so accurate, haha. i took high school to mean secondary school for this one.
| Guys Like That You're Sensitive |
And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way
You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to
Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets
No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!
What Do Guys Like About You? | you gotta be kidding me! really?!
sounds nice enough.
| You Belong in London |
A little old fashioned, and a little modern.
A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.
A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.
No wonder you and London will get along so well.
What City Do You Belong In? | sounds about right. yeap, i want everything.
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